A way of life

I think I have a solid eleven minutes edited, thusfar. I expect, in the end, to make a ridiculously long cut and pare it down. With so much material gathered, as well as the subject explaining multiple times a specific situation and/or event, I expect to shift things around quite a bit.

It's a weird time for me right now, editing this film. Not quite sure why, but my mentality has shifted (I guess) from editing mentally to physically cutting, slicing bits of time and images off here and there. I suppose I was very invested in this project (not at all financially -- for those curious, I spent about $330 on the actual shooting and almost $250 on hard drives -- less than an enjoyable weekend or cheap week in New York), and seeing things I liked initially being removed is like parts of be being removed. Bagh, it's just videotape.

I also realized that I, in the future, need a bit of distance from the material I gather. By this, I mean from the subject and/or subject matter. In a way, this film might be an elaborate home movie (which, like most of my work, fits in well with some themes and tones I use), and that's great, but I feel that I need to be out of the picture completely in future work. Of course, that won't happen with a new project I'm working on now (or just beginning), but perhaps, in this other project, I can distance myself in the end. Of course, anything I personally film is dominated by thoughts and emotions I might have, so there's no distance per se, but I'd like a bit of myself removed next time (and if I don't like it, I can revert to my old ways).

What would be nice, however, is some kind of financing next time. Writing the above comment made me realize that, like most living in a capitalist system, anything paid for by someone's own wages is paid for by their labor and time, therefore anything they buy is a part of their labor, time, and life. How can one pay for a camera, tapes, editing software, and other filmmaking costs, out of their own pocket, and feel as if anyone would want anything out of their film? If it's not financed by outside sources, who really gives a fuck other than the film's maker? Is this a bad thing?