Ways of seeing

I'm not sure what happened, but between early September and now, I've felt all ambition and drive to finish this film decrease dramatically. Whether it's due to not being able to meet (realistic) deadlines or being overly frustrated with my slow, mawkish editing skills, I've felt less and less able to finish at all.

So what now, then? I thought some time away from The Drift would've suited me well and it's been nearly a month since I've touched anything. I looked at the opening half hour today, as it stutters its points across, and was a bit dismayed. The sound is terrible, only a handful of the edits work or feel justified, and I still have over two hours to complete.

Much of my problems have to do with where I am living and how I make a living. To give some of you an idea, I live in a shoebox outside of a living room, with a sliding door and no privacy. It's simply impossible to concentrate at all. I'm also unemployed, so I'm not valuing my day as much as I did before, looking forward to things and such. So I have no privacy, but freedom to work whenever I feel like it.

When filmmakers hit slogs, what do they do? I have no film friends nearby to confide in or get advice from, no filmmakers left in town to talk shit over with, and not a dime to spend on anything else related to this film. I wish I could afford an editor more than anything. I also feel freed of the stress I had before because I put things aside for a bit. I no longer care if this film never sees the light of day and aside from a handful of people involved in the film, who else does it matter to?

I hate to use this venue for such bitchy rants, but I don't know what do anymore. I don't feel empowered to finish and life moves along as usual. I'd like to put this project behind me, but right now it's impossible to devote myself to it as I'd like.