The tyranny of distance

I've noticed that there's a pattern I've taken with this film: work, become disgruntled, put down for several months, work, get disgruntled, etc. I haven't really touched The Drift for months and for good reason. As it stands now, the film is terrible: full of jagged, unrelated (thematic or film) L-cuts and references, horrendous exposition, and a fractured, jazzy editing device that comes off as juvenile at best. Why can't I work with this material very well, or rather am I destined to never finish this film?

In the past month, I shot, edited, and exhibited a short film for a gallery opening. The length of the film was 13 minutes. I've been working on this film, off and on, since 2005, yet it remains wholly unfinished, unedited, and nonexistent as far as I'm concerned. What do I do?

I've also changed as a person from when I began the film to now, so my thoughts on the material have also changed. I look at it as a series of memories, in Final Cut Pro bin folders, much like one's articles in a filing cabinet. I don't see light at the end of the tunnel.

As I've stated before, I have no filmmakers to work with on this. I know I need editing assistance, a questioning co-director to constantly berate me on why I included what I did, and where things are going. As it stands, I'm still going at this alone, not knowing if what I'm doing is amounting to more than merely finishing this damn thing.

As a first time feature filmmaker, this is a nightmare. A nightmare of terrible sound, queasy camera work, shaky editing, with no end in sight. All funding I've applied for, with would allow me to hire an editor, fell through, so I'm left adrift (no pun intended).

So, where do things go from here? Well, I'll give it one last shot, and I mean that. If, in the coming weeks and months things don't drastically improve, i.e. I get my ass in gear and try or somehow figure my way out of this mess, I am ending the production of the film and shelving it indefinitely. I have other ideas I'd like to work with and am stalled, both artistically and professionally. This is it, I'm afraid. I like so much of what I shot, feel that the material is strong enough to sustain itself, but I am stuck in the editing, unable to think clearly about the material at all. Looking back on what I worked on for a few months last year, I'm filled with a crushing disappointment.

I hope the next post will be filled with a joyous relief, that things have moved along, and the film is beginning to feel like one. As of now, however, I'm close to letting this one go and starting over.