Hiatus

Lately I've been unable to work, to be honest. I've found that all of the material I have is a bit overwhelming and that my expertise as an editor is, well, kind of a joke. So I'm taking a break for awhile and will probably, sadly, miss further deadlines I'd been working towards.

In the meantime, I'm running out of cash and need to find work, so things might be on the back burner once again. At this time, I don't have the chops to move forward.

One year later

"It may be true that one has to choose between ethics and aesthetics, but it is no less true that whichever one chooses, one will always find the other at the end of the road." - J.L.G.

It's hard to believe that today (well, yesterday now...) was the final day of shooting this film, on September 11th, 2006.

In that time, I've done nothing but be frustrated about my financial situation, brood about how disappointed I was in not finishing this film sooner, and well, everything else that came with this year, the year of my discontent. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was a tad bit relieved to be finished shooting, a film which could've been called No End In Sight had it gone on. Indeed as everything ended, it really ended.

So here things are one year later, still unfinished, but in more progress than before. It was quite some time since I'd spoken to David, but this week I got a call. It's strange looking at a moving image of someone as they speak to you.

I had quite a bit of trouble in the past week, finding my way with this film. I debate between the "necessary" choices (long speeches, exposition, trajectories) and "unnecessary" ones (finding which images/sounds work best filmically), trying to find either a middle ground or a space where both could coexist. I'm finding that this is something of an impossibility, given the "urgency" of the subject matter, but I filmed everything to exist via cutting one image to the next. The question is do they work together, is there a tension between one shot to the next, and is this enough to keep my interest?

I'd been keeping notebooks, ideas from which I pull story related matters, images and sounds, and structural thoughts down on paper. In many ways, this is a terrible idea, because not only has it thrown me off editing, but it's given me an incorrect impression of what I have, causing me to fumble as I piece things together. Oh well.

I'm hoping for more progress soon, even if it's to build a structure and tear it down. I'm sick to death of this box of 100 or so tapes staring at me, the 15 or so hours from Iraq, etc. that David shot, and I just wish to move on. In the meantime, this is me just living with what I have on my plate, trying to build something out of so much.

Still can't fucking believe it's been a year, though.

This and this

Well, I know now what it takes to make a feature length film: everyfuckingthing.

I went through the wringer this week, trying to conform all of the footage I shot in 29.97fps to 23.98 fps. Of course, this came with so many issues, such horrendous consequences, that I am now re-importing 20 or so hours once again to 29.97fps, for good. These technical mishaps, my fault for taking the advice of others and being impatient and fickle, have set me back and continue to do so. Again, here I am not making this damn movie.

On the other hand, having to go through the first twenty hours of this film was rewarding: I found "missing" footage from David and his family, reviewed footage I had dismissed, and looked at footage I planned on keeping. A bit unnerving, but rewarding still.

The summer is over and all I got were three hard drives filled to the brim with footage. Every sequence I finished I need to redo and I still have no coherent structure perse, just notes and a few fleeting ideas. The more I think about what I want this film to be, the more the footage changes when I view it, the more I am unnerved.

I'm still trying to push for deadlines, but I don't know anymore. I need to put in 10 hour days for this to be done on time...who knows. I want nothing more than to be finished, content, and ready to move from Binghamton, but alas, none of those are happening or have happened.

I also have no footage of David in Crawford, Texas in 2005 and Seattle in 2006. I couldn't go on those trips, sadly, and those who had footage of him in those places have lost it. I'm waiting to contact someone from Veterans for Peace regarding a clip of David in Seattle...hopefully that'll work out.

Note to self on next project: edit as you shoot, drink more, no handheld images (less Lars von Trier and more Pedro Costa), and try to secure funds. This is impossibly tough.